©words Ed Pickford

It’s olde world and gracious within easy reach of town

Much improved and spacious since they knocked the upstairs down

Suit first time buyers and newly weds and at the price a snip

Convenient for the sewage works and the Corporation tip.

 

“Featured in this property”, the estate agent sweetly said

“Is a genuine Adam fireplace–in bricks of deepest red

On the wall there is a mural done by vandals just last week

By gum you look so impressed you can hardly speak”.

 

“Now the living room is open plan based on a Scandinavian design

The door that used to block that hole was of Norwegian pine

The solid fuel central heating is very cheap to run

Just pull up another floorboard you’ll find they easily burn”.

 

“Passing on into the bathroom we have the low level w.c.

Which means you have to bend your knees every time you want a wee

The bucket with the holes in? –That’s the original shower

You fill the bucket in the downstairs yard then run up here my flower.”

 

“No! That’s not fungus on the walls, sir, that’s the indoor plants

So if you’ve ever fancied growing things now you’ve got the chance

You’ll find the atmosphere is ideal for bamboo shoots and rice

Penguins, sharks and tuna fish and I think the rainbow look quite nice.”

 

“All the electric wiring is included in the price

And you can tell by your squelching feet it’s much too damp for mice

In the yard are the usual outbuildings - the coalhouse and the sty

The pig is an optional extra but why not give it a try!”

 

“Our fees are a nominal 10%- that doesn’t include the VAT

The adverts or solicitor’s fees or the price of a safety hat.

Come back and view at any time don’t bother with the keys

The state that kitchen window’s in you can come and go as you please.”

 

It’s olde world and gracious within easy reach of town

Much improved and spacious since they knocked the upstairs down

Suit first time buyers and newly weds and at the price a snip

Convenient for sewage works and the Corporation tip.