Home  CD  Booksongs other songs Mining Songs Touch of Humour Miscellany

All songs words & music © Ed Pickford PRS/MCPS

On the folk scene years ago – all you really had to know

Was how to stick your finger in your ear

We knew how to judge a song - it was good if it was long

I had one that lasted for a year

Once people came in droves

To hear my Matty Groves

Now they’ve abandoned me


I have no folk degree

Chorus:  Smarty Arti Farti has spoilt my little party

     Smarty Arty Farti and all the glitterati

     They’ve all got a folk degree I have got depression

     Now my folkie world’s become an all degree profession

Smarti Art Farti plays the same old tune a thousand ways

He gets all the praise and adoration

Scrapes his fiddle - plucks his harp – thinks he’s bloody Cecil Sharp

I feel like a fossilised crustacean

My poop has lost its pop

They’ve given me the chop

There’s no more gigs for me


I have no folk degree


There’s man called Shanty Stan – smart arse with a business plan

He wears fancy dress when when he goes singing

Sticks an eye patch on one eye – wears a Craster Kipper tie

People think he’s great – they think I’m “minging”

He looks like Johnny Depp

While I look like Old Shep {..and you know what happened to him...}

He looks down on me


I have no folk degree


If you go down old Skid Row - you’ll see  folkies that you know

Sleeping in their gig bags to save money

Folk police fly in a rage when they beg outside The Sage

Glitterati bees protect their honey

It’s such a sorry sight sight

Old folkies in the night

Sing 5-part har-mon-y


They have no folk degree


Go to any Gateshead bar – you’ll see some old folkie star

Singing with a finger in his ear

He gets lucky now & then - when one of those Gateshead men

Drenches him with what’s left of his beer

It’s better than you think

He gets to lick the drink

He can’t expect a fee


He has no folk degree

The end :

             Skiddle-I-dankie doodle dah

             Skiddle-I- dankie dee

             If you want to be a star

             Then get a folk degree

I Have No Folk Degree
The Central Bar - Gateshead Washington Arts Centre