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All songs words & music © Ed Pickford PRS/MCPS

My doctor’s saving money – for the good old NHS

He’s installed a robot that’s - giving more for less

You can get a health check – if you know where to press

Roberta is the robot helping patients in distress

But I think she  worked for BBC

On the shipping forecasts – for when she checked out me she said


North Utsire, South Utsire, Shannon, German Bight

Liver seems all right – how’s your appetite?

Cromarty turning vomity – better take this pill

Biscay and a cup of tea and you’ll feel like Portland Bill

Next time you feel queasy – don’t forget to call

I make health checks easy and I charge you sweet Rockall

My doctor found me quaking –  shaking in distress

With his new addition to – our old NHS

“Gracious poor Ignatius – oh you look all at sea”

I pointed at the robot and I pressed the ‘Enter’ key

Robot stared like evil eyed Rasputin

Spoke like Long John Silver played by actor Robert Newton


As I lay in my hammock - heard the ocean roar

Cold precipitation seeped - out through every pore

Health care innovation – whatever can be next

Some DIY vasectomy or surgery by text?

IQuack for the iPhone – doctors on the dole

Choice of voice from robot Joyce – Charlie Drake or Cheryl Cole


Roberta the Robot

Caedmon Hall Gateshead