My uncle Tommy waas six stone wet through
Nivver worked 5 shifts if he cud dee two
Frightened of nee-one but equally true
Nee-one waas frightened of him
He drank in the Lambton Castle
Each night he would give them hasssle
Set up his lip – someone would flip
Tommy wad gan on a very short trip
[Spoken] ….to the floor…the crowd…. wad roar..
Cho
Tommy lie down man, Tommy lie down
Thou knaas that thou’s safest down on the ground
Does thu not get tired of being knocked around?
For God’s sake Tommy lie down!
Aal Tommy’s family had terrier’s snecks
All built like bantys and easy t vex
He shud have had handles sewn in his keks
So he could hoiked* when howked**
His diet was Woodbines and drink
A thirst like a B&Q sink
Each night as he hit the floor
He learned aal about Issac Newton’s law
Cho:
That Lambton Castle was just an’ aad hut
A place where Lord Lambton had never set foot
Condemned by Defra - but it wadn’t shut
Ah think it was twinned with Dodge City
If ye hoyed a petrol bomb there
It wad be supped in mid-air
In the netty*** a warning waas pinned
“Divven’t light tabs**** if ye breakin’ wind”
Chorus
God teks nee lip mind when he teks yer in
Get vexed up there yer committin’ a sin
God said t Tommy, “Why Ah knaa thy twin!
Thou’s like Hitler – just littler”
Ah’m sending thou down t’ Aad Nick
He’ll skelp yer arse with a stick
Dance on yer cap - torn ye on a spit
Each torn for a shift thou missed at the pit
* lifted up
** beaten up
*** toilet
**** cigarettes
Other words:
snek/nose banty/small hen keks/trousers hoyed/thrown skelp/smack
Note about the song & recording:
The recording comes from the now defunct Birtley Folk Club - where I started as a teenager, The club was run by the Elliott family - ‘The Elliotts of Birtley’
The song is expresses a kind of frustration - expressed in - what is to me - kind of “pit village” language - as told to me by my mother. I am not sure anyone outside of Durham can really understand - but - you never know.
The lady you hear really enjoying herself is Jack Elliott’s daughter - Doreen Henderson - a one-woman audience.
