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The Rules of Film Noir Tune/singer: Lucy Falkenau

When the streets are a neon-lit jungle - and a blond sings a song in a bar

When a drifter drives into a city - at the wheel of a Chevrolet car

Then you’re watching a black and white movie - with a hard-bitten private eye star

Where the low-down and dirty meet the high-heeled and flirty - in a Hollywood film noir

When the story is too hard to follow - and the plot gets as tangled as string

And you can’t tell today from tomorrow - and you don’t understand anything

When a fan on the ceiling is turning - and there’s smoke from a fat-man’s cigar

Well it isn’t surprising that the body-counts rising - for you are in a bar in noir


       Noir is a place people go to - when they have no where to go

        Everyone there has an angle - crooner sings, “Set ‘em up Joe”

Sirens are constantly wailing - under a monochrome sky

Lady walks into a nightclub - Sam plays ‘As Time Goes By’

Whiskey is not always bourbon - and postmen don’t always ring twice

But the rules of noir mean  there’s always a bar and a blond with a  heart made of ice

When James Cagney is playing the tough guy - and he sleep-walks through paranoid dreams

When the search-lights are raking the night-sky - and the cross-talk is not what it seems

When Bogart is wrapped in his trenchcoat - with a voice that is nicotine tar

Well it’s low-lies & bow-ties and  sly spies and wise-guys - in a Hollywood film noir

May that falcon from Malta keep flying - over streets where the crime never sleeps

May the femme fatale ladies of fortune sing songs to the hustlers & creeps

Let me roam through those old movie channels - in the hope I might get my next fix

Where detectives are sexist - drink whiskey for breakfast - the ladies called dolls,

dames & chicks