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All songs words & music © Ed Pickford PRS/MCPS

My stationery addiction has a serious restriction

On my freedom to pursue a happy life

It makes my world chaotic for its products are hypnotic

And in place of peace I live a life of strife.

I think it’s worth reporting that I’m never found cavorting

Or consorting with a snorting druggie crowd

But I’m gripped with primal longing when fresh paper I am ponging

And that flaw this man of straw wears like a shroud

Now one who shall be nameless thinks I’m shameless but I’m blameless

A sad victim of cruel nature at her worst

I could have been a biker or a climber or a hiker

But instead with paper products I am cursed

My psychosis I supposes has a very bad prognosis

And I’ve never found another so afflicted

For those paper, pens and glue and all the other howdy do

Simply make my liver quiver – I’m addicted

Is it nature - was it nuture - made me such an avid searcher

For the products of the stationery kind

My behaviour fits the pattern that is oft expressed in Latin

As the Delightus Paperitus of the mind

Stationery, stationery, stationery store

What pleasures and what treasures

Lie inside your glass store door

Your cellotape dispenses that play havoc with my senses

And enough is not enough - for - I want more!

Accoutrements of printing always set my pulse a-sprinting

As I gaze on shelves of stationery plunder

I skip the light fantastic through the isles of coloured plastic

All those miles of pure scholastic saucy wonder

My nose buds are a-tingle like the tide that tickles shingle

As I smell the smell that reaches to the core

Oh you temptress - you’re relentless - you’re my lover - you’re my empress

My stationery store - Je t’adore.  

God’s as well as mortals always tremble at your portals

And they never deign to pass your doors of glass

They explore your womb – your Tutenkamem’s tomb

Rammed with office products plied en masse

The blitzkrieg of excitement – I feel visceral incitement

Throbbing through your corridors of paper power

I’ve no hesitation - saying, “Lead me to temptation

Flood my blood inside your Babel tower


Compunction and dysfunction are to me an inverse function

When I’m standing face to face with scented rubbers

My slavish predilection to my stationery addiction

Thirsts for benediction as my feeble body shudders

I’d rather fly to Venus than use needles intravenous

Yet - what I can’t resist I can’t ignore

It’s my life - it is my calling and I find it so enthralling

When I’m crawling, trawling. hauling through a stationery store

  Oh the stationery, stationery, stationery store

 Deprave me & enslave me - and leave me wanting more

 Your aisles are bolts of lightning - thrilling, and enlightening

Heighten all my senses with your objects of desire

An addict wreathed in smiles - cruising down your aisles

My soul like burning coal upon your fire

Oh the stationery, stationery, stationery store

Je t’adore. Je t’adore

Stationery Addiction